She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
