Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
