my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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