If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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