OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
