Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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