I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
