I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
