Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
