The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
