I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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