Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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