I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
