Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
