He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
