new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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