hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
