I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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