Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
