ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
