thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
