I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
