just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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