oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
