I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
