The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
