I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
