I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
