1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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