Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I will be naked everywhere
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
