I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
