I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
