some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
