I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
