I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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