you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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