Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
