i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
