there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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