I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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