my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
