He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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