the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Who wears a wallet chain?!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
