i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
