i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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