the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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