I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
