you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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