meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
