Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
