We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
