Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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