Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
