You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
