Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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