Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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