Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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