i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
