new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
