Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
