first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
