come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
