so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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