i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
