He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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