did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
