No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
