I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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