I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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