4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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