I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
