It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
this hospital has no fireball
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
