I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
